Fear and funny on the campaign trail
Fear and funny on the campaign trail
It’s perhaps the best news of the campaign season thus far. OK, maybe the second-best news of the campaign season thus far. (Honestly, who’s running this guy’s campaign? John Stone?).
But no matter where this announcement ranks, it’s still exciting to me and the millions of Dave Barry fans out there. And, if I may pimp us a little bit, it’s coming straight to Athens ACTIVOTE.
Starting in print tomorrow, we’ll begin running presidential campaign dispatches from full-time funnyman, part-time author and occasional rocker Dave Barry.
Barry, who semi-stepped out of full retirement this year, plans to file periodic dispatches from the campaign trail including full, daily coverage of both national party conventions this summer. You couldn’t ask for more than to drop Dave into a target-rich environment like that.
He’s already journeyed to Iowa, New Hampshire and now sits in Florida on the eve of his home state’s Republican primary.
What does Barry think of the process thus far. Here’s a chunk:
The whole primary system is insane. …
First Iowa held “caucuses,” in which Iowans gathered in small groups at night and engaged in some mysterious Iowan ritual that for all we know involves having intimate relations with corn. Right after that Wyoming had a primary, but it was only for Republicans, because Wyoming Democrats (apparently there are at least two) will hold their primary on March 8. Most of the candidates ignored Wyoming and focused on the New Hampshire primary, except Rudy Giuliani, who’s following a shrewd strategy, originally developed by the Miami Dolphins, of not entering the race until he has been mathematically eliminated. After New Hampshire came Michigan, where the ballot listed all the Republicans, but only certain Democrats, including Chris Dodd, who had already dropped out if the race, but NOT including Barack Obama or John Edwards. After Michigan came the Nevada caucuses, in which Hillary Clinton got more votes, but Barack Obama got more delegates. (If you don’t understand how that could happen, then you have never been to a casino.) Then came the South Carolina Republican primary, which of course was not held on the same day as the South Carolina Democratic primary, which will be Monday. Then comes Florida, in which Republican voters will elect some delegates, although the total will only be half the number Florida was originally supposed to get. Meanwhile Florida Democrats, as I mentioned, will have the same impact on their party’s nomination as if they fed their ballots to ducks.
I am not making any of this up: This is our actual primary system, except (I hope) the part about the corn. We’re selecting candidates for the most important job in the world via a process that’s less rational than the one used to choose Miss Kumquat of Pasco County. …
He has already completed seven columns with, as I said, another to be released tomorrow. All will be available to Athens ACTIVOTE readers starting this afternoon. Just click on the Dave Barry icon and read away. Enjoy.
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Take five minutes out of your day to join Athens (Ga.) Executive Editor Jason Winders here at ActiVote or at his home blog, The Morning Meeting over at onlineathens.com. You there, in the funny shirt, did you have a comment?